i'm back

well, wala lang...gusto ko lang mag move on dito sa blog ko...hirap na at baka bigla mawala...hehehehe...

Do you know???

DO YOU KNOW????
that you scare me each time i see you loosing your grip on life every after dialysis....
that it hurts me, whenever i see you suffering from all the teeny weeny pains that you feel...
that i could feel you slowly slipping away from us....
that i'm so afraid of loosing you, yet i know that you just will....
that i dunno how i would go on with life without you.... yet...i know that life just goes on, no matter what...
do you know, where i am now???...what i am now???...how i feel now???
NO!!!NO!!!NO!!!....I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW.....

Do you know???

life musings....

I WONDER.....

IF...we had the means and the money...
would we have gone to the best doctors and institutions to help control your diabetes? preserve your kidney functions? and monitor your vascular conditions?
Could they have prevented the dialysis sessions...the amputations of both your legs and the dis-articulations of all the fingers in between....
OR... would we have just enjoyed life as we used to and more...
WELL...we didn't have that luxury...we didn't have the money nor the means...
SO...now, you're undergoing dialysis, you have lost both your legs and four fingers in between and is still on the verge of losing more....
YET...if these haven't all happened now...
would you have known and felt how much your classmates really care and loves you...
would you have known that you have the courage to still go on and face life head on...
would we have treasured all the moments that we are sharing now....
would we have known how much we really and truly love each other...
would we have known that we have this great love, hope and Faith in our hearts....
would we have recognized the Glory and Miracle of daily living and praise God for each.....
AND YES... if it wasn't you and me going through these...
who would have enlightened a lot of our friends to be health conscious....
who would have better shown that life has to be respected and treasured and not taken for granted for all its glory...
who would have given the strength to your co-patients to be strong, to eat more, to continue living and that they should carry on because there are so many reasons to...
who would have showered every place that you go to... to glow with your love of life and make others forget their worries and problems in life
who would have inspired others to be strong, have Faith in God and believe that life has to go on..... and go on with a sweet smile on our face because we could still see all the beauty in life despite and inspite of.....
AND FOR NOW.... i wonder....having realized that life is too short to just let it pass by...
have i done enough to let you know how much I LOVE YOU...
have we made you feel that you have made a great impact in our lives as a husband, a father, a friend, an inspiration, an icon....
have we made you feel that for now..we wouldn't want you to go just yet and that you have to continue living just until our almighty GOD calls on you and NOT A MOMENT before....




inside thoughts......

today i just thought that maybe, i'll document my thoughts for my daily life in here...then, maybe i can just browse through in the future to just see how i've been sometime in my life....hehehe... i could just see dear daughter thinking i'm on my emoticon mood today....well, maybe...sama naman ng cp ko...sinira ang mood...me msg pa....sige..wait myself.....si tetchie pala at market2 delivering my med. cert. for emar....

earlier today, while having my shower i was trying to compose my own eulogy, where i was asking everybody to show how much they love the ones they love while still alive as i've written on my darling cess scrapbook...then, i told my kids to hug one another tightly as in a group hug, reassuring them that the tightest hug they'll feel will be coming from papa and me....oh di ba napaka-sweet!!!! then...i told milrose, rosey , and gracey not to cry, 'coz i know and i felt how i've touched their lives and that they will be the legacy of what and who i've been....now, ko lang naisip...parang di kasama sila baby and jovie ah....baka next time mag-emo ako,,,hahahahahaha.....